


All That is Done is Left Behind

by FeralCreed



Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie) Spoilers, Awesome Pepper Potts, F/M, Hurt Tony Stark, Jay is the angst monster, Lots of Angst, Pepper Potts & Tony Stark Friendship, Pepper knows Tony better than Tony knows Tony, Post-Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, are you happy Jay, because, but no Civil War spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-02
Updated: 2016-06-02
Packaged: 2018-07-11 19:02:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7066276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FeralCreed/pseuds/FeralCreed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pepper and Tony agreed to take a break, but Tony finds it hard to believe that Pepper doesn't want to leave permanently.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All That is Done is Left Behind

**Author's Note:**

  * For [daydreamerdisease](https://archiveofourown.org/users/daydreamerdisease/gifts).



“Boss, someone's here to see you,” Friday says, lowering the music levels in Tony's lab.

 

Tony startles, almost elbowing a cup of coffee off the edge of the table. He grimaces and moves the cup to a safer position before sighing and leaning back a little. “Who is it, Friday?”

 

“Ms. Potts, sir.”

 

For a moment Tony's mind blanks out. Because there's no way that Pepper came back to see him. Once Tony messes something up in a relationship, whoever it is never comes back unless they want something from him. And Tony knows Pepper is better than that, so... Who is it? He asks Friday that and a holographic ID card pops up. It's Pepper, which just confuses him more.

 

“Okay, well, let her in,” Tony says. “Where is she?”

 

“She's in one of the board rooms on the seventeenth floor, sir.”

 

“Ask her where she wants to meet and bring me there,” Tony orders. He takes a few minutes to finish the part of his project he was working on before saving it and standing up. Whatever Pepper wants, he might as well get it over with now. She was never mean to him – god, no – but when Pepper Potts needs his attention, she's always gotten it, even when it came to business. And that's what this has to be, because they broke up about two months ago.

 

There's several places that Tony expected Friday to take him, but the penthouse wasn't one of them. He steps out of the elevator and blinks in surprise. Taking him on in his home turf? No way he's going to like this. Someone is in the kitchen, and he's guessing it's Pepper because otherwise Friday would have told him.

 

“Well, well, Ex-Girlfriend number... 243, I think? How you been, Potts?”

 

Pepper turns to look at him as he leans against the counter, one eyebrow raised. “Someone's a little defensive.”

 

“I am not,” Tony protests, but he is and they both know it. Pepper's always been able to figure out the truth behind his sarcasm, whether he's hurting or scared or something else. “Seriously, though, why are you here? Did someone on the team call you in?” He definitely sounds defensive now. An ex-girlfriend here with no obvious motives isn't something he's used to handling.

 

Rather than answering, Pepper crosses the kitchen to approach him, high heels clicking on the tile, and puts her arms around him. “Hi, sweetheart,” she says quietly, and Tony freezes. This... this is wrong. This is so, so wrong, because people don't treat him like that. He's Tony Stark, playboy billionaire extraordinaire, and people only pretend to love him because they want something from him. Something touches him and he realizes that Pepper kissed his forehead, but he has no idea how to react.

 

Because Tony? Tony is a mess. His nightmares started coming back worse than ever, almost from the night that Pepper left 'for a break'. Tony knows better; people go 'on break' with twenty or thirty thousand dollars of his money and don't come back. It's been harder and harder to keep himself out of a bottle, and a few times he's slipped off the wagon and had a few glasses before bed. And half the time he just passes out in the lab, because at least the bots are down there, and he knows that no matter how big a mess he makes, Dum-E and Butterfingers and U will be there. They're not fallible like humans, they don't leave him when he's too rich or too loud or too attached. Once upon a time he would have said the same about Jarvis, but ever since Ultron, he hasn't even been able to talk to Vision for more than five or ten minutes at a time, because it's too much like J and it hurts.

 

And now the first woman to love him since his mother is back, freely offering him affection? So far she hasn't been the slightest bit hostile and hasn't even suggested that she has an ulterior motive for being here. Which she does, he knows she does, but she seems to want to act like she wants him. It's all so far outside Tony's life experience that he doesn't know how to handle it. He doesn't want to figure things out; just wants to shut down and let Pepper hold him.

 

“Let's sit down on the couch,” Pepper suggests. Tony follows her into the living room, still stunned and moving almost on autopilot. Pepper pauses, resting one hand on the back of the couch as she takes her heels off, then sits down and pats the cushion next to her. After toeing off his scuffed sneakers, Tony joins her, curling up on the couch with his legs under him so he takes up as little room as possible. He stares at the coffee table an arm's length in front of him, not wanting to look over at his ex-girlfriend.

 

For as much as he's been feeling horrible, he bets he looks like it too. Pepper leaving wrecked him more than he'd admit to anyone, and since there haven't been any international emergencies in the last week, he gave himself full rights to break down and look however he wants. He's a billionaire, that just makes him eccentric instead of hurting and emotionally unstable. Since he's been more or less living in the lab, he knows he's lost weight, and since he hasn't been sleeping well or showering often, he knows for a fact that his overall appearance is less than desirable. Friday questioned his medical state the day before yesterday – _Friday_ – so he knows that Pepper is highly disappointed in him. Well, that's the one thing that's the same. Tony's always been a disappointment to everyone he's tried to impress since he was a four-year-old playing with his dad's tools.

 

Pepper reaches out to him and puts a hand on his shoulder, guiding him to lay down with his head in her lap. He can't help but let out a breath once he's laying down. Even when he was lashing out in pain, Pepper had been there for him. She'd occasionally told him to stop acting like a child and man up, but when he needed her, she'd rarely turned away from him. When he feels her brush through his hair, fingertips pressing lightly against his scalp, he closes his eyes on instinct. He can feel tears pricking at the corner of his eyes but fights them back, because that really is the last thing he needs right now.

 

Sometime or other, he actually ends up falling asleep. He has no idea how, but he did stay up all night last night, only sleeping a few hours once he passed out in the lab sometime around six in the morning. When he wakes up, Pepper's gone, and loneliness hits him like a pissed off Hulk. Taking a deep breath, he presses his face against the upholstery, wondering if he should even get up. For some reason, he's actually hungry, and he gets up to wander into the kitchen.

 

He stops short when he gets a view of the stove, because Pepper is there. She's making something, which, huh, explains the smell of eggs that probably made him hungry in the first place. “Pep?” he asks as he stands there, confused but hopeful.

 

“You slept the whole night,” Pepper tells him, giving him a fond little smile. “I didn't think you would. This should be done soon if you want one. Otherwise I'll put the extras in the fridge. Looks like you haven't been eating a lot.”

 

“Um...” Tony just blinks at her, looking somewhat like a baby owl with his wide eyes and mussed hair. “You're feeding me?”

 

“Did you have other plans?” Pepper asks, turning to look at him properly.

 

“No, no, I didn't,” Tony hastily reassures her. “I was just gonna spend the day in the lab. Just didn't expect all this.”

 

“It's just a few omelets, Tony,” she says, speaking like she's trying to soothe him. “Nothing weird, okay? Everything I used is right there on the counter.” Once Tony looks over to categorize what she's putting in his food, Pepper goes back to the stove.

 

Rather than doing anything to help, Tony just stands there at the counter watching her. When she starts turning off the stove, his brain kicks into gear and he goes to get plates for the two of them. Pepper looks pleased that he intends to join her, which is all kinds of confusing. By the time he manages to scrounge up some napkins and silverware, she has two plates of food ready and is pouring a glass of juice for herself.

 

Tony sits down at the kitchen table, keeping his limbs to himself for once. He doesn't know what to do with his hands so he just folds them in his lap, hooking his ankles around the legs of his chair. Pepper is bound to leave eventually and he doesn't want to push her away sooner because he's loud and annoying as usual. Instead of calling him out on his strange behaviour, Pepper just rolls her eyes and sets a cup of coffee down on the table in front of him.

 

“What have you been working on recently?” she asks, cutting a slice of her omelet.

 

“Nothing important, really,” he answers, picking up his own fork to poke at his food.

 

Pepper actually laughs. It's soft and quick, but there nevertheless, and Tony outright stares at her. “Oh, Tony. You're a genius. There's always something being worked on in that brain of yours. So tell me. I'm dying to know what you've been up to.”

 

Usually Tony would mentally insert huge amounts of sarcasm into statements like that, if it wasn't there already. But he can tell that Pepper is being genuine with her request. Talking about something he knows so well helps calm him down, and for a few minutes it feels like old times. He curls his hands around his coffee mug as he rambles, his favourite with the cat silhouette on it. Eventually he comes to a stopping point and realizes just how much he's been going on.

 

“Sorry,” he mumbles. Whatever Pepper came for, it wasn't to hear him blurt science talk at her.

 

“It's fine,” Pepper tells him, coming over to ruffle his hair. She pulls the mug from his hands, ignoring his miffed squeak. “You're going to go take a shower,” she informs him, “and then come back out so we can talk. All right?”

 

“Yeah, sure,” Tony agrees. He isn't really interested in taking a shower, but now that he thinks about it, he hasn't showered in a few days and he probably smells. After giving his coffee mug a last, longing glance, he goes into the bedroom to grab clothes that look at least relatively clean before his shower. To his surprise, one of his older AC/DC tees and his favourite pair of sweatpants are folded neatly on the bed with a pair of boxers and a razor set on top. _Pepper again_ , he thinks, picking up the bundle. He can't really blame her.

 

He only needs a minute to get the shower at a temperature he likes. It feels better than he remembered, and he ends up washing his hair too. Part of that is, admittedly, his desire to avoid whatever Pepper wants to talk about. Talks are _no bueno_ , always have been, always will be. When he gets out, he wraps the towel around his waist and gets another so he can wipe the mirror free of all the steam on it. Once he's done shaving, he dries his hands off and stares at his reflection. An hour of self care has done a lot for his appearance, but it hasn't done much for his internal conflict.

 

Pepper is here and being friendly, and Tony isn't sure how he feels about that. He wants her to want him and not just because he hates being alone. Of all the people he's dated or slept with, he knew from the start that none of them loved him for anything but his bank and his dick. And he never looked for anything else until Pepper came along and seemed to genuinely enjoy being around him. While she was gone, he'd have given anything for this morning to have happened.

 

But now that Pepper is actually here? Tony wants her to leave, because she's inevitably going to hate him, or tire of him, and he'd rather it be now instead of later. At first he'd decided that Pepper was the one person that actually loved him, and that maybe 'going on break' wasn't code for 'taking his money and never speaking to him again'. But it's all so far outside his experience that he doesn't know what to do.

 

Eventually he realizes that he can't avoid Pepper any longer without it being even more obvious than it already is. He tugs on the clothes, feeling a little comforted by the fact that they're familiar, and goes out into the living room. Pepper is on the couch looking at something on her tablet, her legs crossed at the ankles. Sometime during the night, or while he was in the shower, she changed into a pair of jean shorts and a tee. For a moment Tony wonders if she's purposefully trying to act like she never left, but realistically he knows the pencil skirt she was wearing when she came to visit the evening before couldn't have been comfortable.

 

“I, uh... hi, Pep.” He isn't sure what else to say, or even if he was loud enough for her to hear him. She looks up as soon as she speaks, however, and actually smiles at him.

 

“Hi, Tony,” she replies, moving to sit up properly and setting her tablet on the coffee table. “Come sit down. I have coffee.”

 

That perks Tony up, because coffee is good even when the situation is terrible. He sits at the far end of the couch, unsure what Pepper wants and not wanting to get too close to her. Maybe if he leaves a physical distance between them it'll be easier to keep an emotional distance as well. Pepper waits as he takes a sip of his coffee, probably remembering that he never pays attention until he's figured out what kind of coffee he has. Once he glances up at her, wary and guarded, it's as much of an invitation as she's going to get to speak.

 

“I told you I needed a break,” she says, not bothering with a preamble. Tony nods silently, remembering that afternoon very well. Pepper had told him at least ten times that it wasn't his fault, but he hadn't been able to hear it. “And I told you that I wouldn't come back, apart from as a professional, if I thought that our relationship wouldn't work.”

 

“Yeah, well, not everything behaves like it should,” Tony agrees with a little shrug. “I mean, look at me. Or Dum-E, for that matter. Like father, like son, and all that.” He takes a sip of coffee to stop his rambling, because no way is Pepper here for that.

 

“Which also meant that I would come back if I thought it could. Tony?” Pepper waits for him to look up at her. “Do you still love me?”

 

“Of course,” he answers, because there's never been any doubt about that.

 

“I love you too,” Pepper tells him with a little smile.

 

Tony swears his heart stops beating. After months apart, and with everything that Tony put her through before? No way can Pepper still mean that. Everything that had happened with the Mandarin had scared him to the point that he was willing to give up being Iron Man because it had been his fault that Killian had ever gotten his hands on Pepper in the first place. Being an Avenger had scared Pepper, because chances were if something went wrong he'd be killed. She'd been blunt with Tony, telling him that he was self-destructive at times and that being on the team was enabling that. Tony had blown up the suits but he hadn't been able to drop the lifestyle. Eventually he'd gone back to fighting with the team, and he'd even improved on his suits' designs and built Veronica. Pepper had been clear that she felt like Tony valued the job over her.

 

And Tony had had no defense. Because when it came down to it, he'd promised to stop being Iron Man but he'd started rebuilding the suits within three months. He'd been back on the team within six. While he'd never really expected things to work with Pepper – he was Tony Stark, he'd never had a stable relationship with someone he loved – he hadn't thought it would hurt so much. Pepper needing to take some time off was something he'd seen coming. He'd even encouraged it, because anyone in any relationship had the right to pull away for a little. Everyone needed it at some point. He'd just never expected her to come back for anything, much less to come back to him.

 

“Tony?” someone says softly. At the sound of his name, Tony jumps and refocuses back in the future. Pepper is standing in front of him, looking a little concerned. “You zoned out on me,” she explains. “Everything okay?”

 

“Yeah, yeah,” he answered. “I just wasn't expecting... that.” Pepper's hand is in his hair and he leans into it, suddenly tired. “What we had doesn't matter, Pep. At all. You don't owe me anything.”

 

Pepper guides him to lean back against the back of the couch and straddles his lap, kissing him for a long moment before pulling back. “I don't owe you a damn thing, Tony Stark. But I do love you.”

 

Tony just nods, putting his arms around his waist to hold her close. “'M sorry,” he murmurs.

 

“I forgive you,” Pepper replies, not trying to correct him. Tony is Tony, and he will forever believe that things are his fault. Attempts at making him think otherwise just end up exhausting for both of them, so Pepper compromises. She rarely blames Tony unless he actually deserves it. Forgiveness gets a much better reception. “How have you been, darling?”

 

“Been a mess,” he admits. “Hard to sleep. The bots helped. The war made it worse. I hate being alone.”

 

She hums sympathetically. “I'm here. I'm here for you, sweetheart.” Tony closes his eyes and lets out a shuddering breath, willing to believe that Pepper is here to stay for at least a little while. Eventually she pulls away, and he whines under his breath, looking up at her. This can't be the part where she leaves. “Come to bed,” she suggests, and Tony nods, willing.

 

The bedroom is a much friendlier place now that he's not there alone. Pepper seems to expect him to be clingy, and he honestly is. He kisses her, reassuring himself that this is something physical and not in his imagination, and they make out for a good while before settling down. It takes a little while for him to fall asleep, as always, but he's a lot more comfortable in his own bed than he has been in over two months. Despite everything, there's still a part of him that doesn't think Pepper is here permanently, but it's small enough that he can get to sleep.

 

Over the next few days, Pepper moves back in and the two of them start getting reacquainted. Tony sleeps more than he usually does, because he's been constantly stressing himself on a bad sleep schedule for a while and his body needs to catch up. Pepper focuses on moving her things into the bedroom the first day, then stays in bed with her tablet on the second. After that Tony starts being helpful, and while neither of them ignore the time they spent apart, it's easier for Tony to believe she's not just there for a quick stop.

 

Pepper, for her part, seems relieved that things are going smoothly between them. She's as affectionate as ever, because she knows that Tony won't want to ask her for her time when he needs it. Eventually Tony starts getting fidgety because he's been away from his lab for too long, and she goes down with him to visit the bots and see what he's working on. He's obviously relieved after that, and Pepper just kisses him before going to work on the newest set of reports for Stark Industries.

 

It's almost a week later that Tony's nightmares assault him. Friday's attempts at waking him fail in their intended purpose but do alert Pepper to the problem at hand. She has no more success than Friday had. Eventually Tony jackknifes up in bed, screaming Pepper's name. He gasps for breath, shaking with his head held in both hands. Pepper says his name several times before realizing that he's too panicked to hear her and starts rambling about what comes to mind instead, keeping an arm around his shoulders.

 

“God, Pep, I'm so sorry,” he finally says. “I didn't– I never– I just–” He stops talking, frustrated with himself.

 

“What happened?” Pepper asks. “You were calling me when you woke up.”

 

“Yeah, I, uh. It was nothing. 'M fine.” Tony glances over at her and can tell that she's unconvinced. “I lost you, for good this time, and it was my fault. Not some kind of supervillain or a drive-by shooting or anything, just me fucking everything up like I always do. And I woke up and it was like that night the suit attacked you and you slept on the couch for a week, just playing in my head. I'm so fucked up, Pep, I'm sorry.”

 

“Oh, Tony,” Pepper murmurs. “I love you, sweetheart. You would never hurt me. And you're not fucked up. Not perfect, but certainly not that bad. Besides, what would I do with a perfect man?”

 

“Have a life, maybe,” Tony suggests. “Instead of having to babysit me.”

 

“You sell yourself short,” Pepper tells him. She pulls him close, playing with his hair as he rests his forehead on her shoulder. “I had to take a break. And I had to figure some things out. But I love you and I'm here for you. Whenever you need me, I'm right here.”

 

Tony shifts in bed and holds her tightly, afraid to let go. “I was so alone, Pep. I didn't know how to handle it without the booze and the drugs. And I hated it, I hated being alone and I hated wanting to drink and I hated wanting to call you because I didn't think you'd come back.”

 

Pepper just makes a soft, soothing noise, letting him get it all out. Eventually Tony's ramblings run to a stop, and he's left sitting in the dark with his girlfriend holding him. He apologizes at least four times, and for once Pepper doesn't call him out on it. Finally he starts quieting, although Pepper keeps petting him. She manages to get him to sleep, although it's harder than usual.

 

Tony, being Tony, is up early the next hour. Pepper is resolute that he doesn't get out of bed until it's fully daylight. Eventually he grumbles but agrees, nestling down next to her and getting settled. He ends up dozing again, which Pepper saw coming from a mile away. When he wakes up again, it's just past 7.30 in the morning and Pepper is willing to say that it actually is morning. Both of them get out of bed, and Tony teases Pepper into laughing by kissing the back of her neck. She starts making breakfast as he wrangles the coffeemaker, and they share a proper kiss over a cup of coffee.

 

It's hard, sometimes, dating a superhero. Tony is Iron Man. Pepper is the CEO of Stark Industries. At times they don't see each other for days, sometimes Tony is laid up with some injury and pesters her so much she swats him over the head with a rolled up newspaper. While their relationship is always changing to reflect the ways they change as people, and the tabloids are up to their usual gossiping, neither one of them try to change things. Being a hero has its perks.

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the ever-amazing Jay. First time I've written this pairing, but I think it went fairly well. Tony feels, all the Tony feels. Someone help me with the title, oh god, titles, I hate them.


End file.
